Survivors and Victims of Abuse

StopSO: Offering therapy to victims and survivors of sexual abuse.

Someone who has been sexually abused should be able to access therapy to help them.  Juliet Grayson, based in South Wales, offers this therapy.

People in other parts of the UK, who are victims of sexual abuse (recent or historical), can contact StopSO   StopSO has therapists all across the UK.  At times they receive funding to be able to subsidise that therapy. NB StopSO also works with perpetrators, with the aim of preventing crimes of a sexual nature.  They prefer to work with a potential perpetrator so that they don’t commit the first crime, rather than pick up the pieces with the devastated victim.  But, until the UK reaches the point where there is no more sexual abuse, then StopSO welcomes victims contacting them for help, and they will provide therapy to victims.

I came across this list of resources

I have not checked them, but put them here in case they are useful.
Supporting a Survivor of Sexual Assault – a booklet prepared through a collaborative effort by UBUNTU and Men Against Rape Culture
5 Ways to Navigate Consent with a Partner Who Has Trouble Setting Boundaries – Miri Mogilevsky, Everyday Feminism
Supporting Your Partner in Their Healing from Sexual Trauma – Sian Ferguson, Everyday Feminism
Love After Rape: Being the Partner of a Sexual Assault Survivor – Anonymous, Everyday Feminism
Self-Care for Supporters of Rape & Sexual Abuse Survivors  – Jes, Pandora’s Project
Tips for Helping a Partner Heal Sexually – Ash, Pandora’s Project
A Guide for Intimate Partners of Sexual Assault Survivors – Cassy, To Feel the Stubborn Ounces of My Weight
Sexual Assault and the LGBTQ Community – the Human Rights Campaign provides information about sexual violence for LGBTQ people
Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma – Staci Haines, 2007
Learning Good Consent: On Healthy Relationships and Survivor Support – Cindy Crabb, 2016
Lovers & Survivors: A Partner’s Guide to Living With and Loving a Sexual Abuse Survivor – S. Yvette de Beixedon, 2010
Survivors & Partners: Healing the Relationships of Sexual Abuse Survivors – Paul Hansen, 2013
Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy with Trauma Survivors: Strengthening Attachment Bonds – Susan Johnson, 2005
Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child – Laura Davis, 1991
Partners In Recovery – Beverly Engel, 1993
When You’re the Partner of a Rape or Incest Survivor – Larry Levine, 1996
When a Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman’s Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation – Cecil Murphey, 2010
When a Woman You Love Was Abused: A Husband’s Guide to Helping Her Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation – Dawn Scott Jones, 2012

Time To Complain: published anonymously

If you are raped or sexually assaulted and the state decides not to prosecute your attacker, you have a three-month window to appeal that decision. Here, a survivor of sexual violence explains what it feels like when the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) neglects to charge your case and what you can do if you miss your deadline.  It is published by the excellent Centre for Women’s Justice –

A very moving speech at the Australian of the Year awards by Grace Tame – a survivor of sexual abuse

“I lost my virginity to a paedophile. I was 15, anorexic; he was 58, he was my teacher.
“For months he groomed me and then abused me almost every day. Before school, after school, in my uniform, on the floor.
“I didn’t know who I was.
“Publicly he described his crimes as ‘awesome’ and ‘enviable’. Publicly I was silenced by law. Not anymore.”

Hear her full speech here.
Here is her story – she is now allowed to speak out.

What Didn’t Happen To Me At The Famous Man’s House: published anonymously

The writer entitled this ‘What Didn’t Happen To Me At The Famous Man’s House’ but which Byline Times changed to ‘Survivors of Sexual Violence, You Are Not Alone.’  It is a painful and powerful account of the experience of violent sexual assault and its consequences

Ten things I have learned about child sexual abuse: By Carolyn Spring

10 things I have learned about CSA

Covert Sexual Abuse: what is it? 

Anything that does not have an obvious sexual intention, but nevertheless leaves a victim feeling violated or that ‘ick’ feeling, could be regarded as covert sexual abuse.

Pornhub: Mastercard reviews links with pornography site

‘I was raped at 14, and the video ended up on a porn site’

RASAC Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre

Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre (RASAC) offers a free, confidential listening and support service for all genders and ages who have been raped and / or sexually abused at any time in their lives and are suffering from sexual trauma as a consequence of their unwanted experiences.
National Helpline: 0808 802 9999 (12-2.30 & 7-9.30)

Rape Crisis

National organisation offering support and counselling for those affected by rape and sexual abuse.

The Survivors Trust

Rape and sexual abuse can happen to anyone regardless of their age, gender, race, religion, culture or social status. Living with the consequences of rape and sexual abuse can be devastating. We believe that all survivors – men women, transgender, intersex and children – are entitled to receive the best possible response to their needs whether or not they choose to report.

Women Against Rape AND Black Women’s Rape Action Project

From Revenge to Peace

This was not some one who was sexually abused, but was an atomic bomb survivor.  Somehow though, I thought this could be useful.  I am not saying it is the same at all, or that people will have the same journey.  But I think it is inspiring. How can we learn to help perpetrators rather than villify them.  I guess that has been my personal lifetime journey.  Anyway, ignore this if you don’t like it!

Survivors UK – Male Rape and Sexual Abuse Support

We understand the effect which male rape and sexual abuse can have upon those who are forced to experience it, and we’re well aware of the traumatic process which it can set in motion. If you are a man who has suffered sexual abuse or rape in the past, you can turn to us for help. We have a range of support options to help you recover from your experience and put the past behind you.
National Helpline: 0845 122 1201

One In Four: Supporting people who have experienced child sexual abuse and trauma

One In Four Website

The Rape and Abuse Line (RAL)

A registered charity that offers a freephone, confidential helpline to persons who have survived rape or abuse, however long ago the experiences were.Helpline: 0808 800 0123 answered by women
Helpline:0808 800 0122 answered by men

Network for Surviving Stalking

The NSS is a registered charity dedicated to support those affected by stalking of any kind.

National Stalking Helpline

The National Stalking Helpline provides guidance and information to anybody who is currently or has previously been affected by harassment or stalking
Helpline: 0300 636 0300

NAPAC: National Association People Abused in Childhood: Supporting recovery from childhood abuse

FIRST PERSON: Caroline Flack, Murdoch, and Me – A Survivor’s Story

‘Ms a’ turned to the police for help when a powerful public figure sexually assaulted her. But what she experienced was a study in injustice; a story of obstruction and leaks, court inaction, and betrayal to the murdoch press by the very people who should have protected her. Here, she speaks about an ordeal every woman could face, in which she sees stark parallels with the events leading to the death of caroline flack, and asks: how many more must suffer?

The Boy In The Video

The story starts with an everyday event – a WhatsApp message to a group set up by mums at the school gates to discuss missing jumpers and school trips.  But this message contains a video of a little boy being sexually abused. And one of the group members happens to be a BBC radio producer.
So begins an investigation into the dark world of child sexual exploitation as she tries to find out what happened to the boy. Has he been rescued? Is his abuser in jail?
Along the way she meets the police trying to combat the online proliferation of images and videos of children being abused – millions are in circulation, shared on social media platforms as if they are funny cat memes. She asks what we should do about the 450 men arrested every month for viewing and sharing this material. At the moment, end-to-end encryption means WhatsApp is a safe haven for offenders – are the tech firms doing enough?
Producer/presenter: Lucy Proctor

The battle to be believed

Women who report violent sexual assaults at university say the perpetrators are getting away with it.  Here is a video with graphic descriptions, from university students
A note from Juliet Grayson (about a therapist’s notes and their use in sexual abuse cases).  In this report student said she didn’t report sexual abuse “because the therapist notes will be used in court.”  As a therapist, I would be willing to negotiate with a student, in advance,  about what level of detail was written in my notes, and to agree to write very brief notes.

Obesity can’t be tackled until we address the trauma that causes it

A film by Ollie Lambert “Abused: The Untold Story”

About the lifelong impact of sexual abuse (BBC 2016)  1 hour 27 mins