Family Members

Resources for the families of people who have committed a sexual offence (or been accused of doing so)

A Family Member Shares Her Experience

Sometimes life throws you a curveball so huge you know that nothing will ever be the same again. That happened to me two years ago.  It was supposed to be a normal, happy Saturday but an early morning knock at the door and four police officers changed all that in a heartbeat as my husband whom I have loved with every fibre of my being for over 40 years admitted to cases of historic sexual abuse involving young adolescents.  My shock was indescribable and I felt as though I entered a parallel universe; my heart was broken beyond words and my head was barely habitable.  To read more click here

Disqualification under the Childcare Act 2006

Also known as Disqualification by Association.  Since September 2018 employers cannot disqualify someone from working in schools, pre-schools, nurseries and out of hours clubs when they live or work in the same household as an offender who is barred from working with children or young people. Employers are no longer required to ask staff questions about cautions or convictions of someone living or working in their household and they do not need to complete a self-declaration regarding it.  Disqualification by association rules are now only relevant where childcare is provided in domestic settings i.e. childminders. For more information see What does a change in Disqualification by Association mean for my setting? – Redwing Solutions (

The experiences of non-offending partners of individuals who have committed sexual offences: Recommendations for practitioner and stakeholders.

Read the article here By Katie Duncan, Andrea Wakeham, Belinda Winder, Rachel Armitage,Lucy Roberts, and Nicholas Blagden.  Nottingham Trent University

Level 2 Certificate in Safeguarding & Prevent: Free of Charge: Online

The purpose of this qualification is to increase the learner’s knowledge and awareness of the Prevent Duty and safeguarding, including online safety. By completing the qualification, learners will develop knowledge of safeguarding in an environment where they have a duty of care.  N.B. It is free provided you complete it.  You have 3 weeks to complete each workbook. If you fail to complete the course this results in a £125 charge.
NB they offer other courses free of charge.


  • INFORM – Lucy Faithfull Foundation. For Families of People who have Offended Online. 10 hour zoom course (5 weeks x 2 hours).     Fee may apply means tested (one person said it was £80 for initial call and then free after that).
  • STOPSO Online course for Family Members and Partners – Understanding Online Sexual Offences. £150.
  • STOPSO Online course: FAQ’s for Family Members and Partners.
  • Level 2 Certificate in Safeguarding & Prevent (see above)
  • Parents Protect Online Sexual Abuse Prevention Courses and Information.  By Lucy Faithfull Foundation.
  • Signed up for Lucy Faithfull Newsletter
  • Registered for STOPSO non-offending partners support email group
  • StopSO 3rd Annual Conference 11th May 2021 online. £135
  • Hillingdon Report: Assessing Children and Families affected by individuals

    Free training for social isolation and suicide

PTSD? See the Impact of Events Scale

click here

Moving Beyond Betrayal Trauma

YOU BLOOM  is a  website that deals specifically with women who have been betrayed by sexual trauma, porn or infidelity.  There are free courses to access, and a paid membership with access to online therapists.   The paid course offers tools and various ways to move forward – with writing assignments, pre recorded videos to watch plus the ability to converse online with a closed group of women and access to therapists who will answer questions.

Path for Men

A digital recovery community providing specialized, empathetic, compassionate, therapy and online courses to overcome unwanted sexual behaviors and repair damaged relationships.

Assessing children and families affected by individuals viewing child sexual abuse images on the Internet: London Safeguarding Children Board Guidelines
This is an excellent document.
Their stated aim :
 to provide practice guidance to support practitioners working with children and families
affected by individuals viewing child sexual abuse images – particularly via the Internet;
 to identify key principles to help inform assessments;
 to consider some of the practice implications;
 to provide an overview of current messages from research and underpinning knowledge.

How would a child see it: Exploring the impact when a parent downloads IIOC

This university thesis is 287 pages long, and examines the effect on all members of the family, including the children. It contains interviews with those affected.

1 minute ‘funny’ video about the difference between porn and sex

“Keep it real online”

Was My Dad A Paedophile

When police knocked on Win’s (not her real name) door one morning – they told her someone in the house had been accessing indecent images of children. It was her husband of 30 years. It devastated Win’s life and that of her two children. She decided immediately to never speak to him again. She tells her story to 5 Live’s Emma Barnett.  Released On: 16 Jan 2020

Death by Suicide

Those arrested for viewing Internet Images of Children are over 200 times more likely to take their own lives than members of the general population. R. Kay & ors, Managing Perpetrators of Child Sexual Exploitation and Indecent Images of Children (IIOC): Understanding Risk of Suicide, NHS and NCA, (2017)
106 suicides of suspected child sex offenders shows that 26 per cent killed themselves within 48 hours of becoming aware of the investigation. Independent Office for Police Conduct (2018). Deaths during or following police contact: Statistics for England and Wales 2017/18.
Police forces are recognising that removing a mobile phone as evidence will reduce their suspect’s access to their support networks. Some forces are loaning them a basic non-internet enabled mobile phone, preloaded with key numbers and contacts (family members, close friends, the Samaritans, their GP) to help them stay connected.
NHS leaflet offering support after someone has died by suicide

Building Resilience and Resistance to Hypersexualised Media and Porn

Home v5

A Parenting Crisis: My child has accessed violent pornographic stories online!! – From panic to thoughtful realignment of the parenting role.

How do I tell the children (that my partner has been arrested for sexual offences)

How do I tell the Children by Lucinda Neall

Lots of resources and worksheets around child sexual abuse and trauma

The Law That Grandad Broke: Married to an internet sex offender –  Kindle book or paperback.

A kindle book @ £2.99 or paperback version available.
The story of how the author survived the shock and trauma when her husband of 42 years was arrested and imprisoned for downloading indecent images of children. Includes how the legal systems work, whether to tell people, visiting a prisoner, life in prison, returning to the community.

Sex Addiction: The Partner’s Perspective Paperback –by Paula Hall

Sex Addiction: The Partner’s Perspective is a book that is divided into three parts. Part I explores the myths surrounding sex addiction and provides up to date information about what sex addiction is and what causes it before moving on to explain why the discovery hurts partners so much. Part II is about partners’ needs and includes self-help exercises and strategies to help partners regain stability, rebuild self-esteem and consider their future. The controversial topic of co-dependency is also explored with guidance on how to identify it, avoid it and overcome it. Part III focuses on the couple relationship starting with the difficult decision of whether to stay or leave. Whatever the decision, partners will then find help and support for rebuilding trust and reclaiming their sexuality.
This book has been written to help partners not only survive, but to grow stronger and move on with their lives – whether alone, or in their relationship. Readers will find revealing statistics and real life stories shared by partners who kindly took part in the first UK survey of sex addiction partners. This book will this book be a valuable guide for partners, but also for the therapists who seek to support them on their journey of recovery.
Available at all the usual bookshops, and online.

Prison Visitors Guides

Suicide: Managing Perpetrators of Child Sexual Exploitation and IIOC (Internet Images of Children): Understanding Risk of Suicide

people arrested for viewing Internet Images of Children (IIOC) are over 200 times more likely to take their own lives than members of the general population.
This report is a summary of the research conducted as part of the work of the Suicide Prevention Group from 2015 to 2017. The report outlines a systematic review of the known published literature on risk factors of suicide in CSE and IIOC offenders and qualitative research conducted across three groups (law enforcement officers, Lucy Faithfull Foundation ‘Stop it Now!’1 helpline operators and post-conviction IIOC offenders in the UK). The findings of this report have been utilised as a framework to refine the original operational guidance of the suicide prevention and risk management of perpetrators of Online CSE and IIOC (NPCC, 2017).  Final Research Report

Managing the risk of suicide for persons under investigation for online child sexual abuse and exploitation: Operational Advice (College of Policing) 

Support for Children and Families: Safeguarding

Reoffending Rates for People who Have Committed Sexual Offences are Very Low

This is a quote from an email sent to Juliet Grayson by Karl Hanson who has spent a lifetime researching this.  He said:  “Out of 100 individuals released from a sexual offence conviction in the UK, between 2 and 3 will be reconvicted for another sexual offence within 2 years, and 97 to 98 will not.  If the follow-up period is extended to 4 years, an additional 2 to 3 individuals will be reconvicted, bringing the 4 year sexual reconviction rate to 5.5%.  In other words, if 100 individuals with a sexual offence conviction are followed for 4 years, 5 or 6 of these will be reconvicted for a sexual offence and 94 to 95 will not. These figures are from the attached article (p. 454).These figures are similar to rates found in other countries during the past 10 – 15 years”  This is validated by the2010 An examination of the Risk Matrix Study.    Juliet notes more about reoffending rates here Reoffending Rates for Sex Offenders

Reassessing Risk: Release from the Sex Offender Label

In relation to risk over time, Karl Hanson reported his findings from an extensive literature review of studies looking at a total of 543,204 sex offenders.  This showed that for every five years that a sex offender remains offence-free in the community, the likelihood of them re-offending is cut by half.  Hanson believes this is due to the following factors: effective psychological interventions that reduce risk, the effects of physical ageing such as a decline in testosterone levels, increasing rewards from living a prosocial life, success at work, rewarding leisure activities, decent friends, caring intimate partner, and learning to become interdependent (rather than being isolated as many are when younger).  So if risk is 20% when you leave prison, if you make it for 5 years you are 10% risk, and if you make it for 10 year you are a 5% risk.  Karl Hanson: Reassessing Risk 2017  Reasessing risk hanson2017_Release from sex offender label

Assessing children and families affected by
individuals viewing child sexual abuse
images on the Internet: London Safeguarding Children Board Guidelines

The Lifecake Guide To Internet Safety & Privacy For Kids (And Parents):

  • A good overview of internet safety and privacy, with plenty of timely information, tips, and advice that parents can use to begin teaching their kids about staying safe online.
  • Practical advice about privacy and security settings when using popular apps like Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and WhatsApp to ensure safe usage for children.
  • Safety guidelines for online gaming and how parents can teach children to be aware of, and understand, the possible dangers of voice messaging or chat functions with strangers when playing online.
  • Detailed information on cyberbullying – what it is, the key signs and what to do if something doesn’t feel right, and many other useful advice and resources to help parents keep children safe when accessing the internet.

Parents Protect:
Helping Parents and Carers to protect children for sexual abuse and exploitation

Why porn’s obsession with ever younger girls is putting our daughters in danger… an alarming insight into a troubling phenomenon, from an author on parenting and pornography

‘It was just awful’: Natalie Elphicke MP describes how ‘naughty Tory’ husband Charlie’s assault allegations led to her 10-year-old son losing friends and her daughter’s A-level results suffer